The latest Ashton and Demi drama. With a little extra Bruce Willis goodness thrown in.

Publications: National Examiner, National Enquirer, OK!, In Touch
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! And a special welcome to gossip hell to Bruce Willis, his first mention on the cover of a supermarket rag this decade. Here are the headlines.

• National Examiner: Demi wants Bruce back
• National Enquirer: Tortured by Ashton's secret double life…
  Demi suicide shocker!
  Inside: details of her visit to this church for help
  humiliation pushes her to brink
  Bruce rushes to Demi's side
• OK!: Ashton's cheating: What Demi's kids think
• In Touch: Demi kicks Ashton out!

The big surprise in this one besides the suicide warning is the low rent Examiner getting in on this story. Their audience skews older than most, and it might be the addition of 80s TV star Willis that makes this story of any interest to them at all.

On the rocks alert and Damn You Skinny Alert™: All the Demi and Ashton drama this week

Publications: People, In Touch, Us Weekly
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Last week there were six stories about Ashton and Demi. This week only three. Still, it's one of the most covered stories in the rags this time around. Here are the headlines.

• People: Demi & Ashton
  Working on their marriage
• In Touch: Alcohol abuse and anorexia fears
  Demi's rehab nightmare
  Pressure to keep her younger man sends Demi in a tailspin. Inside her private struggle
  Plus: Ashton's mistress speaks

And a third story all about blabbermouth Sara Leal.

• Us Weekly: The other woman speaks
  My affair with Ashton
  How Kutcher seduced 22-year-old Sara Leal.
  Shocking new details of their X-rated night together

Clearly, this story is not going away for a while.

On the rocks alert: Six stories about the troubles of Demi and Ashton.

Publications: National Enquirer, Star, People, Us Weekly, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 17 October 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The trouble in the marriage of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore is easily the Story of the Week on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, with six covers out of ten. (In actuality, it's six of seven. Ashton and Demi are too young to be of interest to the Globe and the low rent Examiner, and the Sun would only be interested in their marital woes if Nostradamus had predicted them.) Usually when there are this many stories, they point all over the place, but with one exception, these pretty much point in the direction of Ashton's penis. Here are the headlines.

• People: Demi's heartbreak
  Her troubled marriage
• National Enquirer: Demi's revenge - She'll destroy cheating Ashton
• Weekly Life & Style: Demi's kids take Ashton's side
• In Touch: Demi's nightmare: Ashton's love child shocker!
  Exclusive: Mistress tells all!
  Unsafe sex in his car and house
  Dumped her after she found out the baby news
  Humiliated Demi can't eat - drops to 95 lbs.!
• Us Weekly: On their anniversary caught cheating
  Ashton hooks up with two girls at an all-night hot tub party. As they enter counseling, can Demi forgive him?
  22-year-old Sara Leal
• Star: Demi & Ashton: The photos that ended their marriage!
  Demi breaks down after Ashton hooks up with 23-year-old on their wedding anniversary
  Ashton's caught cheating on camera
  17 world exclusive photos
  Ashton surrounded by blondes in his hotel room
  Ashton's lover keeps on partying
  
  And for good measure, here's the picture of Sara Leal, the pretty young girl with the big mouth, both literally and figuratively, who is being cast in the role of homewrecker.

Meanest story nominee: Demi & Ashton's $290 million divroce!

Publication: Star
Date: 10 October 2011

It was thirteen months ago when Star broke the story about Ashton Kutcher cheating. For a few weeks, several of the supermarket rags piled on, but nothing came of it. This week, Star again accuses Kutcher of cheating and uses the majority of the cover to say it's the end of the marriage. Here are the headlines.

• They've been living apart for months
• Ashton's serial cheating exposed
• His secret fling with Britney Spears
• World exclusive: It's over!
• The final showdown

Kutcher has responded on Twitter with a link to the Public Enemy song Don't Believe The Hype.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

UPDATE: One week later, this story is on six covers, so whether a divorce actually comes of it or not, in retrospect this gets a Scoop of the Week label.