Will Adele sing again?

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

Welcome to American gossip hell, Adele!  The British pop singer gets her first appearance on the cover of an American gossip rag with a story about surgery and the concern that she might not be able to sing again.

On the rocks alert: The divorce of Kim'n'Kris makes the cover of SEVEN gossip rags.

Publications: People, OK!, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, Star, National Enquirer

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

 

Fresh trash... on Wednesdays!  Yes, we get a story covered in seven supermarket rags, the most of any story in at least two years.

It's official!  I now hate Kim Kardashian's guts.  After nearly two years for not caring one way or the other, her obvious timing of ending her marriage for maximum exposure in the supermarket rags convinces me that she is exactly why the 99% should consider our modern society all out class warfare.

Here are the headlines from all seven magazines, which should be counted as a clean sweep. (The Globe and low rent Examiner skew too old for Kris, and the Sun is only interested in the End of the World.)

• People: Kim's 72-day marriage: Mistake or fake?
  The real story
  Exclusive details
  What drove her to divorce now
  Husband Kris blindsided
  Just another reality TV stunt?
• In Touch: $500 Million Divorce!
  The shocking betrayal that could void Kim's prenup!
• OK!:  Kim files for divorce: "We're done!"
  After only 72 days!
  Why Kim felt trapped, embarrassed and tricked
  Kris' ultimatum: "Me or your family"
  He throws a divorce party
  Kim tells OK!: "This isn't easy"
• Weekly Life & Style: First interview only in Life&Style
  Why I left him
  An embarrassed Kim: 'There was nothing else I could do'
  Kris wants the ring back: 'She used me!'
  Ex-boyfriend Reggie asks to reunite
• Star: Kim: single & pregnant
  Divorce bombshell
  Showdown over baby ended marriage
• National Enquirer: After divorce papers filed…
  Kim & Kris' wedding scam exposed!
  photo proof inside
• Us Weekly:  My Big mistake
  Inside their final days
  Why Kim almost called off the wedding
  Their nasty private fights
  Did they marry for love or money?

 I have only one comment.  If Reggie Bush really wants to get back into the middle of this circus, he should get tested for concussion related brain damage.

Bundles of joy alert: Pictures of Mariah Carey's twins.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon get the best kind of publicity possible in the gossip rags, picture of them and their pretty, healthy babies.  Best wishes to all involved.

Not Long 4 This World and Meanest Story nominee: Demi Moore's weight plunges to a life threatening level.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, In Touch

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Most weeks, it's the Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, the Enquirer, Globe and low rent Examiner fighting it out for Meanest Story of the Week, but this week three of the allegedly more reputable gossip rags put Demi Moore on the tabloid vulture list, saying her life style could kill her.  These are the headlines.

• Weekly Life & Style: Starving to keep her man
  Demi's daughters fear for her life
  95 lbs. and dropping
  500 calories a day
  Taking dangerous diet hormones
  What is she thinking?
• OK!: Starving for attention
  What's behind (Demi's) dangerous weight loss
• In Touch: Demi's deadly diet

These are co-nominees for Meanest Story of the Week.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: How dieting destroyed their looks

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Lots f stories about extreme dieting this week, including a pile-on attack on one celebrity that will be a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week tomorrow. Weekly Life & Style says that dieting has ruined the looks of Angelina Jolie, seen here when she was nice and fleshy.

The other actress in this story that has a picture making her look like a skeleton in a dress is Katie Holmes.

All this week's news all three Kardashian sisters.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The troubled marriage of Kim Kardashian is sucking most of the oxygen out of the room in their tiny gossip world, but Weekly Life & Style decides to do a cover about all three sisters. Here are the headlines.

• Three Kardashian exclusives
• Khloe's new nose
• Tears on Kim's b-day
• A ring for Kourtney
  

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Kelly calls Christina fat!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

When we get a headline like "Kelly calls Christina fat!" it helps to have pictures. Too many Kellys and Christina's on the field, don'tcha know.

The Kelly is the rudest Kelly, Kelly Osbourne.

The Christina is Christina Aguilera, who doesn't currently look as good as this.

Bundle of Joy Alert: January Jones and her new baby.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, January Jones! The actress and animal rights activist, best known as Betty Draper on Mad Men and also as Emma Frost in this year's X-Men: First Class, gave birth to a baby boy a few weeks back. Usually, a pregnant and attractive young actress is exactly the kind of story the tabloids love, but Miss Jones is not married and not forthcoming on who the father is. Here are the headlines.

• January Jones: first baby photos
• Who's the daddy?

Best wishes to all concerned.

On the rocks alert and Man Slut warning: Kris Humphries does his Ashton Kutcher impression.

Publications: Star, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Here it is, October 20, but the magazine that hit the stand today are dated October 31. These Halloween gossip rags bring no treats for little hobbit hottie Kim Kardashian and her orc groom Kris Humphries. Earlier stories of trouble in their months old marriage were all over the place, but this week two magazines have agreed on a narrative.

Kris is a man slut and Kim is going to kick him to the curb. Here are the headlines.

• Star: Breaking News
  Kim & Kris THE END
  'He never really loved her' - shocking tell-all
  Kris leaves town alone
  She catches him with two women
  They taunt Kim with the details
  Now: a divorce lawyer
• Weekly Life & Style: Friends and family confirm
  Headed for a split!
  Has Kris cheated already?
  Kris caught with a blonde at 5 a.m.
  Kim's ring is off
  Inside their screaming fights
  The Kardashians scramble to protect their millions
  

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Kristin's wedding is back on!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Only one supermarket rag is still interested in ex-reality TV star Kristin Cavallari, and that's Weekly Life & Style. They had a story in May about her getting in engaged, a story in August about her groom getting cold feet and a third story now about the wedding being back on.

I agree with the editorial position of the other nine of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter. I do not give a rat's ass what happens to Kristin Cavallari.

Man Slut Alert: Did Donald Trump cheat?

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Way back in November 2010, the Enquirer had Donald Trump on the cover with the ridiculous idea that he would run for president. For several months earlier this year, the Three Wicked Step Sisters presented him as the King of the Birthers.

Now, all that noise is over and other more reliable gossip rags can speak the truth about him. Donald Trump is a swine who uses women until they get too old, then trades them in for newer models. Weekly Life & Style is slightly coy about this, putting a question mark at the end of the sentence, but I think we all know the answer is yes.

This week's dish about Real Houswife Teresa.

Publications: In Touch, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Teresa Giudice is vying with Taylor Armstrong as the Real Housewife with the most mentions on the covers of the gossip rags this year, and this week noses into the lead. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Teresa leaving the show?
• Weekly Life & Style: How fame changed Teresa

On the rocks alert and Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Kim'n'Kris in crisis. And, oh yeah, Khloe hates the guy.

Publications: OK!, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Both literally and figuratively, the honeymoon is over for hot hobbit Kim Kardashian and her orc husband Kris Humphries. The wedding was just this August and after a few nice stories about a honeymoon in Italy, it's been a non-stop crap storm for the mismatched pair. Here are the headlines about them.

• OK: Kim&Kris: Faking it for the cameras
• Weekly Life & Style: Exclusive interview
  'What have I done?'
  Kim realizes her marriage is a mistake and demands a break from Kris
  Tears and regret after only 53 days
  

And just to make matters worse for Humphries, currently without a paycheck due to the NBA labor crisis, his sister in law Khloe flat out dislikes him.

• Us Weekly: Sisters torn apart: Why Khloe hates Kris

I really don't understand the public's obsession with this family and I can't tell if a huge wedding plastered all over their show and the gossip rags followed by a quickie divorce will be good or bad for their reality TV empire, but my best guess is that they have peaked and the decline in interest is now inevitable.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Bun In The Oven Alert™: Jessica pregnant bride!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Jessica Simpson is not a supermarket rag superstar. This will be her 13th cover story this year, mostly about her marrying the wrong guy and having struggles with her weight. For the second week in a row, the two stories intertwine with the rumors that this time, her struggle with weight is because she is heavy with child. She has not confirmed or denied this latest flurry yet.

It's October, and there is still more Teen Mom crap. Sigh.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

I just want it to be over, but I've gotten used to disappointment. I went back to look at all the Teen Mom posts to see which magazines are most to blame, and it's OK! and In Touch, but this week it's Weekly Life & Style. Here are the headlines.

• (Exclusive) Teen Moms give up their babies… so they can party
• Jenelle moves in with friends and ditches Jace
• Amber's drinking again after rehab
  

On the rocks alert: Six stories about the troubles of Demi and Ashton.

Publications: National Enquirer, Star, People, Us Weekly, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 17 October 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The trouble in the marriage of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore is easily the Story of the Week on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, with six covers out of ten. (In actuality, it's six of seven. Ashton and Demi are too young to be of interest to the Globe and the low rent Examiner, and the Sun would only be interested in their marital woes if Nostradamus had predicted them.) Usually when there are this many stories, they point all over the place, but with one exception, these pretty much point in the direction of Ashton's penis. Here are the headlines.

• People: Demi's heartbreak
  Her troubled marriage
• National Enquirer: Demi's revenge - She'll destroy cheating Ashton
• Weekly Life & Style: Demi's kids take Ashton's side
• In Touch: Demi's nightmare: Ashton's love child shocker!
  Exclusive: Mistress tells all!
  Unsafe sex in his car and house
  Dumped her after she found out the baby news
  Humiliated Demi can't eat - drops to 95 lbs.!
• Us Weekly: On their anniversary caught cheating
  Ashton hooks up with two girls at an all-night hot tub party. As they enter counseling, can Demi forgive him?
  22-year-old Sara Leal
• Star: Demi & Ashton: The photos that ended their marriage!
  Demi breaks down after Ashton hooks up with 23-year-old on their wedding anniversary
  Ashton's caught cheating on camera
  17 world exclusive photos
  Ashton surrounded by blondes in his hotel room
  Ashton's lover keeps on partying
  
  And for good measure, here's the picture of Sara Leal, the pretty young girl with the big mouth, both literally and figuratively, who is being cast in the role of homewrecker.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Another story about Hollywood women who weigh too little.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Yet another grab bag story about women in show business obsessing about their weight and getting too skinny in the process. Here are the headlines.

• Sandra's heartbroken again - over Ryan Reynolds' new romance.
  
• Lonely and insecure, she drops to her lowest weight ever
  
• (skin and bones)
  

• Demi: Starving herself after cheating scandal

• Kendra: What I did to get thin

• Julie Bowen: Pressure to look perfect

And this is the opportunity to write: Welcome to gossip hell, Julie Bowen!

All the Teen Mom crap for 10 Oct. 2011

Publications: OK!, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly
Date: 10 Oct. 11

Four supermarket gossip rags decided to take a dip in the cesspool that is Teen Mom. Here are the headlines, three about Farrah Abraham and one about Catelynn Lowell, just in case anyone reading this can tell the difference between these half-witted bimbettes.

• OK!: Teen Mom Farrah: back with her baby
• In Touch: Farrah's baby: Ditched to party
• Weekly Life & Style: Farrah's regret: She wants Sophia back
• Us Weekly: Teen Mom Catelynn: Afraid Tyler will dump her

Note that there are three completely different takes on the Farrah story, and In Touch and Weekly Life & Style are owned by the same company. Some one need to work on getting their stories straight.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Why Kris' family hates Kim!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! This is one of two stories about Kim'n'Kris this week, and while they don't completely contradict one another, they do point in different directions.

According to Weekly Life & Style, Kris Humphries' family has little love for his new bride, which means we can expect a steady stream of catty insider gossip about this year's most famous couple, reality TV division.

I hate to be the one to say I told you so, but these Orc/Hobbit mixed marriages never work.

Doctors fear Leann is anorexic!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

The best publicity a female celebrity can get in the gossip rags is that she's in love, she's getting married or she's having a baby, hopefully in that order. The worst publicity she can get is that she's a home wrecker, bat shit crazy or at the wrong weight.

The best news we have for Leann Rimes is that she isn't bat shit crazy. She stole Eddie Cibrian from his wife and she's way too skinny, which is the reason she's on the cover of Weekly Life & Style this week.