Bun in the Oven Alert: Jessica Simpson admits her pregnancy.

Publications: People, Us Weekly, OK!

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!  Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian helped prove a point this week.  If you want publicity about something in your life, announce it on a Monday.  This gives the supermarket rags exactly enough lead time to get the story on the cover of the magazines that will be announced on their websites on Wednesday and available on newsstands on Thursday.  

 

People, Us Weekly and OK! have stories about the pregnancy which Jessica has finally confirmed after a month of rumors which this time turned out to be true.  Here are the headlines.

• People: Baby update! Jessica Simpson
• Us Weekly: Jessica Talks: "I can't wait to meet my baby!"
• OK!: Jess having twins

The website GossipCop says the twins part is not true.

Best wishes to all concerned.

On the rocks alert: The divorce of Kim'n'Kris makes the cover of SEVEN gossip rags.

Publications: People, OK!, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly, Star, National Enquirer

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

 

Fresh trash... on Wednesdays!  Yes, we get a story covered in seven supermarket rags, the most of any story in at least two years.

It's official!  I now hate Kim Kardashian's guts.  After nearly two years for not caring one way or the other, her obvious timing of ending her marriage for maximum exposure in the supermarket rags convinces me that she is exactly why the 99% should consider our modern society all out class warfare.

Here are the headlines from all seven magazines, which should be counted as a clean sweep. (The Globe and low rent Examiner skew too old for Kris, and the Sun is only interested in the End of the World.)

• People: Kim's 72-day marriage: Mistake or fake?
  The real story
  Exclusive details
  What drove her to divorce now
  Husband Kris blindsided
  Just another reality TV stunt?
• In Touch: $500 Million Divorce!
  The shocking betrayal that could void Kim's prenup!
• OK!:  Kim files for divorce: "We're done!"
  After only 72 days!
  Why Kim felt trapped, embarrassed and tricked
  Kris' ultimatum: "Me or your family"
  He throws a divorce party
  Kim tells OK!: "This isn't easy"
• Weekly Life & Style: First interview only in Life&Style
  Why I left him
  An embarrassed Kim: 'There was nothing else I could do'
  Kris wants the ring back: 'She used me!'
  Ex-boyfriend Reggie asks to reunite
• Star: Kim: single & pregnant
  Divorce bombshell
  Showdown over baby ended marriage
• National Enquirer: After divorce papers filed…
  Kim & Kris' wedding scam exposed!
  photo proof inside
• Us Weekly:  My Big mistake
  Inside their final days
  Why Kim almost called off the wedding
  Their nasty private fights
  Did they marry for love or money?

 I have only one comment.  If Reggie Bush really wants to get back into the middle of this circus, he should get tested for concussion related brain damage.

J.R. Martinez of Dancing With The Stars

Publication: People

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

 

Iraqi war veteran is on Dancing With The Stars this season and this week, People gives his story the majority of the cover.  Here are the headlines.

• Triumph after tragedy
• Dancing's hero J.R. Martinez
• Burned over 40% of his body, the Iraq war veteran wished he'd died.
• Now winning the hearts of millions on Dancing With the Stars, he reveals his remarkable journey

 

Amanda Knox: Her life now.

Publication: People

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

The magazines in the AMI kennel treat Amanda Knox like a stone cold killer.  The five nicer gossip rags acts like it was a miscarriage of justice and give her the benefit of the doubt.  People, of course, is one of the five nicer gossip rags.

Bells Done Rung™: Elizabeth Edwards' daughter Cate weds.

(photo courtesy flynet)

Publication: People

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

People wants us to know that Cate Edwards, the daughter of the late Elizabeth Edwards, recently got married.

Technically, she also has to be the daughter of the under indictment scumbag John Edwards, but his name isn't mentioned.

On the rocks alert: This week's Kim'N'Kris news, all bad.

Publications: People, In Touch, OK!, Star, Us Weekly
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The lyricist Fran Landesman died this year. One of her best known songs from the 1950s is The Ballad of the Sad Young Men, which has this opening verse.

Sing a song of sad young men,
Glasses full of rye.
All the news is bad again so
Kiss your dreams goodbye.

I don't know if it was really Kris Humphries' dream to marry a glamour girl, but if it was, I feel a little sorry for him. Here are the headlines about their marriage, barely two months old and already circling the drain, if we accept the stories on five gossip rag covers this week.

• People: Kim on married life: "It's not been ideal."
• OK!: Kris begs Kim: "Don't leave me!"
  His humiliating apology to Kim
  He comes clean about the other women
  Kim speaks candidly to OK! on what she hates about Kris
• In Touch: Inside Kim's fake marriage
• Star: Kim moves out!
  She's sick of Kris spending all her money
• Us Weekly: Enough!
  After a vicious fight Kim tells Kris: Stop mooching and get to work!
  As Kim worries she made the mistake of her life, can she save her marriage?

Bundle of Joy Alert: Mariska Hargitay adopts second child in six months.

Publication: People
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Mariska Hargitay, seen here with Amaya Josephine, the baby she adopted earlier this year, has adopted a baby boy she and her husband Peter Hermann have named Andrew Nicholas. There is no slew of bad publicity Ms. Hargitay is trying to get off the front page of the gossip rags, so this does not count as "pulling a Bullock".

Nice names and nice babies. Best wishes to all concerned.

And the camera noses in to the tears on their faces: Stories about the missing baby Lisa Irwin.

Publications: People, National Enquirer
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

It's one of those odd situations that stories about missing babies are most likely to show up either in the relatively nice and reliable People or in the not at all nice and very unreliable Three Wicked Step Sister tabloids, the Enquirer, Globe and the low rent Examiner. Here are the headlines.

• People: What happened to baby Lisa?
  Shocking new details
  A mother under fire
  Deborah Bradley says she was drunk and doesn't know what happened the night her 10-month-old daughter disappeared. Inside the deepening mystery
• National Enquirer: Baby Lisa: What mom told cops
  11 month old Lisa Irwin
  dad Jeremy and mother Deborah
  
  

Love Bird Alert™: J. Lo and Bradley Cooper.

(photo credit: Peter Kramer/AP)
Publications: People, OK!, Us Weekly
Date: 31 Oct. 2011

Five weeks ago, there was a flurry of five stories about Jennifer Lopez dating Bradley Cooper. This week, a second smaller flurry of three stories talks about the new couple. Their relationship has also reached an important gossip milestone, since there are now actual pictures of them together in public easily available on the Internet. Here are the headlines.

• People: J. Lo & Bradley: It's on!
• OK!: J. Lo & Bradley Caught!
  She's not even divorced yet!
• Us Weekly: Jen's secret romance
  After Bradley pursues her for weeks with late-night calls and intimate dinners, J. Lo spends the night. Why she took a chance on him
  

I know I'm just a lowly blogger, but I have two pieces of advice for Mr. Cooper.

1. Sun screen.
2. RUN! No, the other direction.

Rich people are rich: The auction of Elizabeth Taylor's jewels.

Publication: People
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Miss Elizabeth Taylor makes the cover of a gossip rag one more time months after her death, this time announcing the auction of her fabulous jewel collection. Here are the headlines.

• Elizabeth Taylor's Jewels
• Amazing auction sneak peek!

On the rocks alert and Damn You Skinny Alert™: All the Demi and Ashton drama this week

Publications: People, In Touch, Us Weekly
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Last week there were six stories about Ashton and Demi. This week only three. Still, it's one of the most covered stories in the rags this time around. Here are the headlines.

• People: Demi & Ashton
  Working on their marriage
• In Touch: Alcohol abuse and anorexia fears
  Demi's rehab nightmare
  Pressure to keep her younger man sends Demi in a tailspin. Inside her private struggle
  Plus: Ashton's mistress speaks

And a third story all about blabbermouth Sara Leal.

• Us Weekly: The other woman speaks
  My affair with Ashton
  How Kutcher seduced 22-year-old Sara Leal.
  Shocking new details of their X-rated night together

Clearly, this story is not going away for a while.

Love Bird Alert™ and On The Rocks Alert: Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively. And, oh yeah, Sandra Bullock and Leonardo DiCaprio.

Publications: People, In Touch, Star, OK!
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively were co-stars in Green Lantern this year, which explains this picture of them together at ComicCon, where Ryan stares into the camera manfully instead of gazing at the obvious focal point for every other guy in the room. Now they are supposed to be a couple, which allegedly brings heartbreak to Sandra Bullock, who has been romantically linked to Reynolds in several stories that both of them have denied. Blake's brief romance with Leonardo DiCaprio is also mentioned. Here are the headlines.

• People: Ryan Reynolds & Blake Lively: New Romance?
• OK!: Blake steals Sandra's man!
  she's 23 years younger than Sandra!
  Right after dumping Leo, Blake hooks up with Ryan.
  Inside their steamy Boston weekend!
• Star: Exclusive details
  Sandra dumped by Ryan
• In Touch: Blake: How she stole Ryan

Farewell to Steve Jobs 1955-2011

Publications: People, OK!
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The two nicest gossip rags both give nice send-offs to Steve Jobs on their covers this week. While Jobs is not the most famous person to die this year - that honor belongs to either Miss Elizabeth Taylor or Osama Bin Laden - he is the person whose life is the most relevant to the way people live in 2011. Here are the headlines.

• People: The Life & Genius of Steve Jobs
  Farewell to an American original
  His Private World
  His Brave Battle
  1955-2011
• OK!: Steve Jobs 1955-2011
  Touching celeb tributes
  

Best wishes to the family and friends of Steve Jobs, from a guy less than a year younger than him, writing a silly blog on a Mac.

Bundle of Joy Alert: Jessica Alba and her new baby.

Publication: People
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

Jessica Alba had a new baby named Haven two months ago and there are pictures in People, but I couldn't find any online except her pushing a stroller, the new baby never visible. Instead, here is a picture of Ms. Alba and her first baby Honor, who is obviously much older than two months in this picture.

Best wishes to all concerned.

50 Fall beauty tips!

Publication: People
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

People has a story about the fall fashion tips. The cover has a small picture of Minka Kelly.

Also on the cover is Lauren Conrad.

And the largest picture is of Lea Michele.

She Fought The Law Alert™: Amanda Knox goes free.

Publication: People, OK!
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Both People and OK! have cover stories about Amanda Knox and the overturning of her 2007 murder conviction in Italy. From what I've read, if you can get a re-trial in Italy, overturned convictions are pretty common. Nancy Grace thinks it's a gross miscarriage of justice, which tends to make me think Amanda Knox didn't do it.

In any case, here are the headlines.

• People: Amanda Knox goes free
  Inside her prison ordeal
  cleared of 2007 murder
  Exclusive details about her agonizing years in an Italian jail, how her family kept her spirits up - and what's next for the 24-year-old
• OK!: Amanda Knox is free
  Emotional journey home

On the rocks alert: Six stories about the troubles of Demi and Ashton.

Publications: National Enquirer, Star, People, Us Weekly, In Touch, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 17 October 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! The trouble in the marriage of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore is easily the Story of the Week on the covers of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, with six covers out of ten. (In actuality, it's six of seven. Ashton and Demi are too young to be of interest to the Globe and the low rent Examiner, and the Sun would only be interested in their marital woes if Nostradamus had predicted them.) Usually when there are this many stories, they point all over the place, but with one exception, these pretty much point in the direction of Ashton's penis. Here are the headlines.

• People: Demi's heartbreak
  Her troubled marriage
• National Enquirer: Demi's revenge - She'll destroy cheating Ashton
• Weekly Life & Style: Demi's kids take Ashton's side
• In Touch: Demi's nightmare: Ashton's love child shocker!
  Exclusive: Mistress tells all!
  Unsafe sex in his car and house
  Dumped her after she found out the baby news
  Humiliated Demi can't eat - drops to 95 lbs.!
• Us Weekly: On their anniversary caught cheating
  Ashton hooks up with two girls at an all-night hot tub party. As they enter counseling, can Demi forgive him?
  22-year-old Sara Leal
• Star: Demi & Ashton: The photos that ended their marriage!
  Demi breaks down after Ashton hooks up with 23-year-old on their wedding anniversary
  Ashton's caught cheating on camera
  17 world exclusive photos
  Ashton surrounded by blondes in his hotel room
  Ashton's lover keeps on partying
  
  And for good measure, here's the picture of Sara Leal, the pretty young girl with the big mouth, both literally and figuratively, who is being cast in the role of homewrecker.

Rich people are rich: Inside the homes of the stars!

Publication: People
Date: 1o Oct. 2011

People has an exclusive story touring the homes of several stars, including Simon Cowell, Lauren Conrad, Cher and more.

Iran hikers set free!

Publication: People
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

What other gossip rag besides People would have a story about the hikers imprisoned in Iran being freed on their front cover?

No other gossip rag would cover this story, plain and simple.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Pippa engaged!

Publication: People
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

People says Pippa Middleton is engaged. I have not found independent confirmation.

I would hate to see People become as unreliable as OK!