Meanest story nominee: Chaz Bono has four years to live!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 14 Nov. 2011

 

The Enquirer has published several bad stories about Chaz Bono's health this year and now puts the 42 year old on the Expiration Date list, giving him four years to live.  This is a strangely long time for these kinds of stories.  The longest expiration date before this were two years to live. Among the people who have gotten the "two years to live" treatment are Oprah Winfrey, Rush Limbaugh and Chaz' mom Cher.

Here are the headlines.

• Breaking news! Chaz Bono Only 4 years to live!
• Liver damage agony
• Dancing With The Stars made his health crisis worse

Best wishes to Chaz, his family and friends.  This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

J.R. Martinez of Dancing With The Stars

Publication: People

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

 

Iraqi war veteran is on Dancing With The Stars this season and this week, People gives his story the majority of the cover.  Here are the headlines.

• Triumph after tragedy
• Dancing's hero J.R. Martinez
• Burned over 40% of his body, the Iraq war veteran wished he'd died.
• Now winning the hearts of millions on Dancing With the Stars, he reveals his remarkable journey

 

Damn You Skinny Alert™: Ricki Lake loses 20 lbs.

Publication: Us Weekly

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Ricki Lake!  The actress and talk show hostess has recently lost weight while working out on Dancing With the Stars and this is being reported in a good way, one of the few weight stories this week with a positive slant.  Good for her.

Hairdresser alert™: Rob Kardashian gay shocker!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Rob Kardashian!  No one really cares about Kardashians with penises, but now that he's on Dancing With The Stars, the Enquirer decided to say he's involved in some "gay shocker!"

Doesn't being famous look like just the funnest thing ever?

Cher's shocking breakdown over Chaz!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 24 Oct. 2011

Most of the stories I read elsewhere talk about how much support Cher has given to Chaz Bono as he competes on Dancing With The Stars, but the Enquirer always has to pee in the punch bowl and given that, they have a cover story of a much nastier nature. Here are the headlines.

• Exclusive what you didn't see on DWTS
• She can't accept transgender son
• Cher's shocking breakdown over Chaz!
• Plus: Cher lashes out at 'Dancing' - vicious insults and nasty slurs

Stay classy, Enquirer.

Problems With Plastic Alert: Chaz Bono's $10,000 Plastic surgery nightmare!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

The Enquirer tells us that Chaz Bono has had a $10,000 plastic surgery nightmare, and puts a picture of him shirtless on the cover. The also call this a "DWTS shocker!", so it's pretty obvious that Chaz's being on the show is the reason this is new the Enquirer thinks you can use.

She Fought The Law Alert™: Chaz Bono's fiance arrested!

Publication: Star
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Star claims an exclusive with a story that Jennifer Elia, referred to as Chaz Bono's fiance, has been arrested. Though the cover does not mention Dancing With The Star, I assume the show is the reason for the recently increased interest in Chaz and his life, so it gets a label.

Dancing With The Stars' Lacey bullied for her body

Publication: In Touch
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Lacey Schwimmer! She's partnered with Chaz Bono this season, and this report says she was "bullied for her body".

Least interesting cover story of the week: Dancing With The Stars rehab shockers!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

The Enquirer did not put any artwork with this headline about Dancing With The Stars,though there is the sub-headline "boozing, drugs and mental problems".

This had a chance to be the Meanest Story of the Week if they had named names, but without specific targets, it becomes the "Least interesting story of the week".

Meanest story nominee: Chaz Bono cancer shocker

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 19 Sept. 2011

I don't watch Dancing With The Stars, but I do somewhat admire the show's ability to generate gossip. Chaz Bono is the obvious negative lightning rod this season, though I think Nancy Grace will also add a lot of new people to the list of folks who hate her guts. The Enquirer says there is a shocker involving cancer for Chaz. Here are the headlines.

• DWTS Chaz Bono
• Cancer shocker
• His tears and pain
• World exclusive news and photos
  

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Bells Done Rung™ Alert: Brooke Burke's beach vows.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style

Date: 29 August 2011



Weekly Life & Style devoted about half the cover to Kim Kardashian's wedding this week and the other half was mentions of other celebrities who recently tied the knot, with the focus on the bride naturally. I could have tried to hunt down a new Brooke Burke picture, but I'm a dirty old man and I kind of like this one.



Best wishes to all concerned.

Damn You Skinny (or Fat) Alert™:Best and worst winter beach bodies for early August 2011.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 1 August 2011

Yet another bach body cover story from an AMI publication, usually the Enquirer or the Star. Ignoring the "Guess who?" pictures which are always unflattering, there are three women considered too fat and three others who are deemed to look good.

The fat:

• Catherine Bach
• Fantasia Barrino from American False Idol
• Neve Campbell

The ones who aren't fat:

• Hillary Swank
• Megan Fox
• Julianne Hough from Dancing With The Stars

Just to rub it in a little, the Enquirer promises to tell you which of the people who look good have had plastic surgery.