Bells Done Rung Alert™, albeit very quietly: Jen and Justin elope.

(photo by Terry Richardson)

Publication: Star
Date: 7 Nov. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Star promises an "Exclusive breaking news!" story that Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have eloped. Here are the headlines.

• Jen & Justin married!
• They elope! No friends or family
• No prenup - she trusts him!
• Plus: she reconciles with mom, thanks to Justin
• All the details
  

The couple have denied this story already, but it's obvious they actually are seeing one another, so I nicked another picture of them, taken by a professional photographer where they actually look happy together.

Bun in the oven alert™: New pictures prove Jen is pregnant!

Publication: OK!
Date: 17 Oct. 2011

Jennifer Aniston is definitely a star of the gossip rags. As it is with BrAngelina, so has it come to pass with her. She doesn't actually have to do anything, she only has to exist and they will be glad to make up crap about her. This week it's OK!, the nicest of the gossip rags if not the most reliable, saying they have photographic proof she is heavy with child.

• bigger boobs
• telltale bump
• curvier booty!
• 'This is the happiest I've ever been!'
• PLUS Why Justin will be a great dad!
  

The story has already been denied.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: A ring for Jen!

Publication: In Touch
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Three different stories about Jennifer Aniston's alleged upcoming wedding this week, but only In Touch makes it the biggest story on the cover. Here are the headlines.

• Inside the romantic proposal
• A "unique" and "meaningful" ring
• She calls Justin her "soul mate"
• Finally! A long-time friend shares how they fell in love on the set!

Maybe it's just me, but seeing so many quotation marks around words makes it hard to take this story at face value.

Bells Aren't Ringing Alert™: Justin won't marry Jen!

Publication: Star
Date: 10 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There are three stories about Jennifer Aniston and her upcoming wedding, supposedly late this year in Mexico. Leave it to Star to put a turd in the punch bowl with a cover that says Justin's "pals" say he won't go through with it.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Angelina targets Jen's new man YET AGAIN.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 3 Oct. 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Say what you will about the National Enquirer. I have probably said something worse. If they have a saving grace, it's that their stories are usually not just re-hashes of stuff that's already been printed elsewhere. Even when they cover the same material, they usually put a meaner spin on it. This week, they have Angelina Jolie trying to get between Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux. Here are the headlines.

• Angie wants Jen's new man!
• Explosive fight after Angelina invites Justin to dinner & offers him movie role
• Jen rages: "Keep your hands off of him!"
  

This story is ten weeks old, first reported by In Touch. Not the Enquirer's best work by a long shot.

Annoying label bookkeeping for Jen and Brad and Angelina and Justin story of 3 Oct.

Link to the story above.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Fussin' and Feudin' Alert: Angie plans to ruin Jen's wedding.

Publication: OK!
Date: 26 Sept. 2001

OK!, the most positive scandal rag if not the most reliable, doubles down on the cover story with two unsubstantiated rumors, the marriage plans of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux, allegedly planning to wed in December, AND the wedding plans of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

Of course, their take in the situation is that the witch Angelina is planning on getting married just to ruin Jennifer's wedding.

Love Bird Alert™: Jen and Justin moving in.

Publications: People, Us Weekly, In Touch

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



People, the most reliable of the gossip rags, tells us Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux are moving in together and Us Weekly concurs. In Touch and OK! (see story below) extend the story quite a bit. Here are the headlines.

• People: Jen & Justin moving in!
• Us Weekly: Inside Jen's new home
  
  
• In Touch: Inside Jen's beach wedding
  
  The dress, the vows, the surprise celebrity guest!
  
  And why Jen is calling marriage this time around "so much sweeter"
  
  Only in In Touch
  
  The new home where they'll raise the babies!

Best wishes to the happy couple.

OK! features Kim'n'Kris AND Jen and Justin on the cover in a compare and contrast.

Publication: OK!

Date: 12 Sept. 2011



Fresh trash on Thursdays! OK!, the nicest of the supermarket rags if not the most reliable, combines two popular stories this week into a compare and contrast, with the real connection being that both Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Aniston are moving into new homes. Here are the headlines.

• New homes for new babies!
  
  
• Who's homesick
• Who wants a bigger closet
• Who will have the best nursery

Of course, neither woman has yet confirmed a pregnancy, but that never stops OK!

Bells Are Ringing Alert™: Jen and Eva plan their weddings

Publication: OK!, Us Weekly

Date: 29 August 2011



The Only Ten Magazines That Matter are not being as obsessive about Kim Kardashian's wedding this weekend as they were about the Wills'N'Kate's big to-do, but there are a passel of stories about wedding that have just recently happened or are about to happen or are at least being rumored.



OK! says Jennifer Aniston is planning to get married and Us Weekly says Jen and Justin (Theroux) are talking marriage. Her reps say this is just a rumor.

OK! says Eva Longoria is planning to get married. Her reps say this is just a rumor.



As I have written before, OK! is the nicest of the gossip rags, but not the most reliable.

Justin's ex warns Jen!

Publication: In Touch

Date: 29 August 2011



Here's a fun fact. It's the obscure British playwright William Congreve (1670-1729) who wrote the line "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." This week's example of this well observed adage comes from Justin Theroux's ex. Here are the headlines.

• Hooked on Mr. Wrong
• His criminal past
• How he cruelly mocked Jen
• His ex: "He lied to my face!"
• "He'll never be faithful"
  
  
  
  

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Bun In The Oven Alert™: The Jen and Justin rumor mill goes nuts!

Publications: In Touch, Star, Weekly Life & Style, Us Weekly

Date: 22 August 2011



Fresh trash... on Wednesdays?!? Yeah, there a story being covered by four different supermarket rags and it's already being denied. Once again, it is about the not yet used uterus of America's Favorite Spinster, Jennifer Aniston.



Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Jen & Justin's Shotgun wedding!
  
  Pregnant already?
  
  A quickie beach ceremony, plans to raise their baby in NYC
  
  why friends fear Jen's moving too fast with a man she barely knows
• Weekly Life & Style: Jen & Justin: A wedding and a baby!
• Star: Jen makes it official
  
  Yes, I'm having a baby!
  
  Exclusive: Justin's family talks to Star
• Us Weekly: Trying for a baby
  
  Inside Jen's shocking decision to start a family with Justin - after just five months
  
  Says a pal, "She hasn't felt this way since Brad."
  
  

The website rumorfix.com talked to a representative of Ms. Aniston who called bullshit on the story. Just because the same thing is being said by four different supermarket rags in the same week does not make it true.

Love Bird Alert™: Jen and Justin's Hawaiian romance!

Publication: People
Date: 15 August 2011

Lots of stories about Jennifer Aniston and/or Justin Theroux this week. He isn't famous enough on his own yet, so he is still referred to as "Jen's man", when he is referred to at all.

People has the most pleasant story about their Hawaiian getaway.

Meanest story nominee: Justin Theroux's heroin and cocaine addiction!

Publication: National Enquirer

Date: 15 August 2011



Justin Theroux still isn't really famous by tabloid standards. He's still "Jen's Man" in the headlines, including this headline in the Enquirer this week about "his dark past" as a cocaine and heroin abuser. Looking online, I have seen no confirmation of this story anywhere.



This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Bells Are Ringing Alert™ and Rich People are Rich: This week's Jen and Justin news.

Publications: In Touch, Star
Date: 8 August 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Two new stories about the Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux romance are in the supermarket rags this week, and they both point in the same positive direction. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Jen & Justin: $60 million mansion
• Star: Jen and Justin set the date (Exclusive)

I don't know if any of the stories can be trusted, but I do know with recent pictures, Justin has finally shaved off that ridiculous beard.

It may be his "deer in the headlights" look, but I'm going to have to get used to this. I imagine Jen feels the same.

On the rocks alert: Jen betrayed!

Publication: Star
Date: 25 July 2011

Does there have to be a Jennifer Aniston story every single week? No, there isn't some contractual obligation or anything, but it sure seems like there is one anyway. This week Star claims an exclusive that Justin Theroux went and saw his ex recently.